Welcome. Um va welcome to

Updated: 22/04/99
If this were really happening, what would you think?

A tawdry shrine to the brain-givings of the "Boz Boz" - Chris Morris

Feel free to explore this arsenal of facts, images and sounds with which to stab your comedic gut box. As with all web pages these days, this site is under constant construction, which means I'll have a half-arsed go at making some pages and then leave them to rot in cyber-limbo.

Blue Jam

Below you can find a selection of sketches culled humanely from Morris' ambient comedy broadgram. If you want the full length smacks, then cabinessence.cream.org will oblige. All sketches are zipped RealAudio files so you'll need RealPlayer G2 to transfer the sound to your ears and arse. You haven't got RealPlayer? You Luddite.
Series 1 - Episode 1
FILENAME
WORDS TO DESCRIBE
LENGTH
SIZE
BJ11-WELCOME.ZIP oh then ee arth welcome... 1:15 191K
BJ11-MONOLOGUE.ZIP the gun and the gibbon 5:51 892K
BJ11-KISSING1.ZIP i'll just give that a little kiss... 4:04 619K
BJ11-BABYFIGHT.ZIP she bites the other baby's lips... 4:00 608K
BJ11-TVBRAINS.ZIP half of St Francis with Mother Teresa... 3:10 483K
BJ11-KISSING2.ZIP mouth ulcer... 0:37 93K
BJ11-DISPOSITION.ZIP leaving me irritated, but content... 1:13 186K
BJ11-NOLEGS.ZIP but i do genuinely hate her... 2:57 450K
BJ11-DRTHROAT.ZIP not much of that throat left is there..? 3:18 502K
Series 1 - Episode 2
FILENAME
WORDS TO DESCRIBE
LENGTH
SIZE
BJ12-WELCOME.ZIP ooh ab welcome... 1:21 203K
BJ12-DOCTOR1.ZIP like...a dog...on a motorway... 3:03 465K
BJ12-TRANSPLANT.ZIP a baby trapped in the body of a man... 0:52 131K
BJ12-DUCK.ZIP a woman with the genitals of a duck... 0:18 45K
BJ12-MONOLOGUE1.ZIP i pawned my corneas two days ago... 4:25 670K
BJ12-ACUPUNCTURE.ZIP okay and now two in your stomach... 4:12 640K
BJ12-CANDLE.ZIP that's no titchy marrow... 1:36 243K
BJ12-BERRIES.ZIP i can't have a bloody orange... 4:42 714K
BJ12-MONOLOGUE2.ZIP gradual filling of a tear thimble... 5:36 851K
BJ12-DOCTOR2.ZIP a pair of curtains... 3:01 460K
Series 1 - Episode 3
FILENAME
WORDS TO DESCRIBE
LENGTH
SIZE
BJ13-WELCOME.ZIP ar ooh mug welcome... 1:19 205K
BJ13-PAYRAISE1.ZIP you'll have a picture of my balls... 2:59 464K
BJ13-KNEE.ZIP it's nicer than yours... 1:00 156K
BJ13-BUILDER.ZIP swimming around with this big builder... 4:21 674K
BJ13-TENDON.ZIP don't be taken in by his swoony arse piss... 3:12 496K
BJ13-MONOLOGUE.ZIP i'm jamming on crusty white... 5:05 787K
BJ13-PAYRAISE2.ZIP wrestle her to the ground... 2:40 415K
BJ13-GUN.ZIP he just walked out, with like a big grin... 0:48 124K
BJ13-TED.ZIP so he really bundled him into the back... 7:10 1112K
Series 1 - Episode 4
FILENAME
WORDS TO DESCRIBE
LENGTH
SIZE
BJ14-WELCOME.ZIP oo voof welcome 1:25 221K
BJ14-DOCTOR.ZIP look...could you just wait outside... 2:49 437K
BJ14-CAR.ZIP four fucking foot car... 1:15 194K
BJ14-MONOLOGUE.ZIP the lenses were made of glass, not meat... 6:05 994K
BJ14-CHART.ZIP "totally impervious from mandelson"... 3:03 474K
BJ14-GUN.ZIP shit! shit! shit! shit! shit!... 0:56 145K
BJ14-NUMBER.ZIP right, so... what area was it..? 4:23 679K
BJ14-TENANT.ZIP most of them prefer to masturbate... 3:08 485K
BJ14-PSYCHOSEX.ZIP she'll be almost permanently deranged... 1:00 156K
Series 1 - Episode 5
FILENAME
WORDS TO DESCRIBE
LENGTH
SIZE
BJ15-WELCOME.ZIP oi pluvack welcome... 1:19 201K
BJ15-PINGPONG.ZIP kids don't seem to mind... 0:35 89K
BJ15-UGLY.ZIP looks like a mortared cowpat... 2:03 314K
BJ15-AIDS.ZIP i won't shake hands if you don't mind... 0:35 91K
BJ15-MONOLOGUE.ZIP confess you romish pumpkin... 5:46 881K
BJ15-SEX.ZIP whack my bonobo... 2:36 397K
BJ15-PEN.ZIP can i have one of those please? no... 0:46 143K
BJ15-KIDSTEAL.ZIP jammed a child's pelvis down the toilet... 5:00 762K
BJ15-MORTON.ZIP 'snap the dying bitch'... 5:53 896K
BJ15-MOTHER.ZIP i think you can sue your mother... 0:39 100K
BJ15-TRAINCRASH.ZIP making any effort to hide their wounds... 1:06 166K

Blue Jam - Transcripts


Blue Jam Series 3: Episode 1
Blue Jam Series 3: Episode 2
Blue Jam Series 3: Episode 3
Blue Jam Series 3: Episode 4
Blue Jam Series 3: Episode 5
Blue Jam Series 3: Episode 6

Other Things


Here you can find a superb rendition of Uzi Lover by Fur-Q, courtesy of Lee B from his original MOD version: UZILOVER.ZIP
857K zipped stereo RA file. nice

Links


Brass Eye Mailing List Industrie (BEMLI) http://brass.cream.org
Chris Morris, Media Terrorist http://www.rockets.demon.co.uk/garlic/
BBC Radio 1: Blue Jam http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/bluejam
Rethink's Chris Morris http://www.rethink.demon.co.uk/laugh.html
Glebe's Thrift Funnel http://www.koekie.org.uk/funnel/
Morris MPEGs http://www.mitt.demon.co.uk/morris.html
Jam Festival (Full length BJ episodes) http://cabinessence.cream.org
The Brass Eye Fact Trawl http://www.lochnet.com/client/gs/be.html

Would you like to look at your link on the above? Then email it to me at the address below. Happy now?!

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Since 20th of Jan, 1999  people have stumbled drunkenly onto these pages like a mimmy mim.